Procure a potato. Not a big potato, because you don’t deserve it.
Rinse the potato off in the sink that is still full of dishes because you are a failure and haven’t washed them yet. Make sure to use lukewarm water, because hot water is for people who aren’t failures.
Put that potato in a bowl. A small bowl because it is a small potato since failures like you don’t get large potatoes.
Stab the potato with a fork a bunch of times as though you are stabbing your miserable failure existence.
Put the bowl containing the potato in the microwave. Heat it up, making sure to burn your fingers a few times to actualize the feelings of failure even more.
Add some margarine to the bowl. Not butter of course, because you can’t afford butter since you are a failure.
Attempt to mash the potato. Realize the potato isn’t cooked all the way since you are completely incapable of doing anything right. Put the bowl back in the microwave. Continue heating.
Take bowl out of microwave (burn fingers again). Add sour cream.
Mash like you are trying to get every last bit of failure into your soul.
Take bowl to room. Begin to eat potato. Realize that you have forgotten salt.
Remind yourself that failures don’t get salt. Finish eating potato.